Interview with an vampire ostrich

Picking up from Criminal English, I have been asked five very interesting questions by JP. Here are my responses.

1. Adopt or reproduce?
Definitely adopt. Preferably several potty trained canines.

2. You're allowed to watch just one television channel for the rest of your life. What will you wear while watching it?
A straight jacket, pajamas and a beer hat with a straw if it’s a movie channel. If it’s a variety channel absolutely nothing. It’d make the inevitable evolutionary regression much easier. I don’t want to go backwards to pithecanthropus and then wonder which tree these strange and bright leaves came from.

3. You have just discovered that you belong to a parallel genetic strain evolved from saurians rather than mammals. Who are your closest living cousins?
Pomfret, The Water Babies, Lotus Eaters and Mark Spitz. Also twice removed are eagles, airplanes, wild imaginations, stubbed thumbs, bruised egos and the bottoms of first time horse riders as they either CAN saur or usually ARE saur.


4. How many blues singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A hundred. One to change the bulb, another to lament the loss of the old one and the ensuing darkness and 98 to cover that song. Out of these, the bulb changer will be written off as a sell out, the first singer of the “Lightbulb Blues” will be largely forgotten except by a few rabid fans who will have the scratchy LP. The rest will go on to be members of white blues bands and eventually some of them will have their own album out on Blue Note records.

5. Was Columbus gay?
As fruity as a cabana boy. It is rumored that he was thrown out of the gay man’s chorus and signed up for the explorer job. He was under the misconception that explorers often found homosexual paradise isles. He mistook the shout of “Land Ahoy” for “Land O-Boy”.

I've already typed this twice and Blogger has bombed on me, so I’m just going to steal the instructions from JP. If you want to be interviewed by me in this manner, just read the following.

1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying “interview me.”
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person’s will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Enjoy.

Fou Anglais

First of all thank you all for the lovely thoughts. Doing better in the health and general well being department.

Blogging will resume in a more dedicated manner. Been very busy with rehearsals for a gig. Doing back up vocals for another band. Totally new experience for me and its harder than it seems. I'm so used to singing the main melodies that its hard work to provide the necessary oohs and aahs and in the case of Angelique Kidjo's version of Voodoo Chile, phonetically noted Yoruban. Very interesting experience and the music i'm backing is a real change from usual fare. Some Steely dan, Stevie Ray vaughn, Morcheeba, Simply Red and Cream in that mix.

My dictionary.com word of the day was Carmilla. What a beautiful sounding word! A flower maybe? Or one who grinds automobiles into flour? well there's none of that flower/flour niceness, turns out it means a cabal. One with rat-like undertones at that. While on the subject of words and meanings also learned Assassin comes from the word Hassassin or Hashish User. According to the site:

Word History: At first glance, one would be hard-pressed to find a link between pleasure and the acts of assassins. Such was not the case, however, with those who gave us the word assassin. They were members of a secret Islamic order originating in the 11th century who believed it was a religious duty to harass and murder their enemies. The most important members of the order were those who actually did the killing. Having been promised paradise in return for dying in action, the killers, it is said, were made to yearn for paradise by being given a life of pleasure that included the use of hashish. From this came the name for the secret order as a whole, an, “hashish users.” After passing through French or Italian, the word came into English and is recorded in 1603 with reference to the Muslim Assassins.

Okay school's out. If i had my way i'd strip it down. Since the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural of booth be beeth?

My Bell Jar

So Sluggish i see snails racing past at top speed. Time is tried and hung like a horse. Dangling slowly from side to side. The only visible movement is the ceiling fan that whirs endlessly and an occaisonal piece placed in the three thousand piece jigsaw puzzle. Trial and error. Mind is shut down. Not matching by eye, just plain drone like trial and error.

The energy around me is sucked into my excruciating pace. it is cadmium yellow, like jaundice. A sickly bilious aura. Somewhere out the window there is work to be done but my body is on strike. Maybe its just the medication.

"Just imagine these are your ovaries", said the doctor making ball hands. "Imagine someone has taken a fistful of marbles and thrown them in"
Just great doc, thanks for clearing that up.

HOwever on the bright side, its not harmful right now. Whatever.

"Sitting in a bell jar stewing in my own sour air", You said it Sylvia Plath.