Interview with an vampire ostrich

Picking up from Criminal English, I have been asked five very interesting questions by JP. Here are my responses.

1. Adopt or reproduce?
Definitely adopt. Preferably several potty trained canines.

2. You're allowed to watch just one television channel for the rest of your life. What will you wear while watching it?
A straight jacket, pajamas and a beer hat with a straw if it’s a movie channel. If it’s a variety channel absolutely nothing. It’d make the inevitable evolutionary regression much easier. I don’t want to go backwards to pithecanthropus and then wonder which tree these strange and bright leaves came from.

3. You have just discovered that you belong to a parallel genetic strain evolved from saurians rather than mammals. Who are your closest living cousins?
Pomfret, The Water Babies, Lotus Eaters and Mark Spitz. Also twice removed are eagles, airplanes, wild imaginations, stubbed thumbs, bruised egos and the bottoms of first time horse riders as they either CAN saur or usually ARE saur.


4. How many blues singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A hundred. One to change the bulb, another to lament the loss of the old one and the ensuing darkness and 98 to cover that song. Out of these, the bulb changer will be written off as a sell out, the first singer of the “Lightbulb Blues” will be largely forgotten except by a few rabid fans who will have the scratchy LP. The rest will go on to be members of white blues bands and eventually some of them will have their own album out on Blue Note records.

5. Was Columbus gay?
As fruity as a cabana boy. It is rumored that he was thrown out of the gay man’s chorus and signed up for the explorer job. He was under the misconception that explorers often found homosexual paradise isles. He mistook the shout of “Land Ahoy” for “Land O-Boy”.

I've already typed this twice and Blogger has bombed on me, so I’m just going to steal the instructions from JP. If you want to be interviewed by me in this manner, just read the following.

1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying “interview me.”
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person’s will be different.
3. You will update your journal/blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Enjoy.