Ostrich - Speak... Hell what more can i say???!!!

Thursday, March 03, 2005


Tonight I’m a monster. A walking patch of black, snarling, with wiped off smiles dangling limp and lifeless in my jaws. A mass of negative energy so ferocious I will crack open your bones and fill your marrow with cold aching dread.

Frustrated insecure artists foam in the mouth, feeding off their own bad vibrations. Artists with great feedback loops are happier people. Right now there is not a single positively charged particle in my entire body and my brain is heavy and swollen with doubt. I haven’t slept in three days and my head aches… I cannot drag my carcass out of the door in the mornings and be productive. I feel distant and lonely and when I look at my relationships I can think of only two that do not exist conditionally. I have nothing to offer anyone right now, no mirth, no joy and definitely no pleasantness. My nose is bloody from allergies and prevents me from crying, despite the many, many sorrowful overfull lakes in my eyes. I want to rip off my body and be weightless. But instead I’m still here, Caliban-like, paralyzed in my fear of abandonment. If ever there was a good time for supernatural intervention, this might be it.

Yet all I can think of is Layne Staley and how he might have looked when they found him and stories of disemboweled pregnant women from the Hyderabad riots of the early 90’s. This is a downward spiral, maybe some tea, a cigarette, a book and Chick Corea and his Elektric Band to the Stars will help.


At 7:24 AM, Blogger Ostrich said...

I wrote this early in the morning, 4AM to be precise. Maybe tonight sleep will prevail.

At 10:58 AM, Blogger Roger Stevens said...

Sleep's good.

Or you could open another bottle. But what of?

Maybe a big cup of hot chocolate - with extra hot chocolate.

When I'm Down - I usually plump for the Beatles.

Hey, cheer up!

At 6:44 PM, Blogger LiVEwiRe said...

Definitely sounds as if sleep would be a big help to you, it gives your mind the break it cannot get during waking hours. I've had similar feelings of misery and do not envy you - hopefully you can keep the images you spoke of out of your head for the moment. Maybe find that relaxing music/tea combo and surrender to that. May sleep envelop you in her silken ebon robes and keep watch all the night through.

At 10:11 PM, Blogger forgottenmachine said...

Firstly, thanks for stopping by. Bass lines taste like booming cocoa? Thought so!

Secondly, "A walking patch of black, snarling, with wiped off smiles dangling limp and lifeless in my jaws".......that is exquisite.

At 10:55 PM, Blogger JP said...

Go To Sleep. Hope fully you have, by now.

At 12:39 AM, Blogger Ostrich said...

Did manage to get some Zzz, feeling decidedly more human. and now a little sheepish for ranting.

Roger, Looking forward to more on Rome

livewire, *hug*, yes i hug people i don't really personally know.

Forgottenmachine, Was fun reading your blog. And thank you, so i suppose something worthwhile did come out of my miserable sleep record!

Jp, you're reading number9dream right now, all fresh and shiny, i envy you.

At 6:51 AM, Blogger the wheel said...

Hi there! I was quite amused by your comment on my blog. Super Cumquot?!? What would his costume looke like? For some reason I'm thinking he would have a lightning bolt on his chest.

Glad to hear you got some sleep. I am a perpetual insomniac myself, so I know what that's like.

At 4:19 PM, Blogger retarius said...

negetive engergy, frustration, sleep depravatoin, all possibly lead to some damn good writing. being a monster isn't all that bad, enjoy it while it lasts.


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